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Dear Saniel I sent this letter to Saniel when I first had my second birth awakening. Doubtful about Saniel's "western dharma" I was amazed at what was happening despite my doubts about the whole thing. The Reluctant Realizer... so much can change in 10 years. Dharma in the land of the Red Faced People or: GO WEST YOUNG MAN Sat, 29 Apr 2000 Dear Saniel, I'm never in San Francisco long enough to really get the whole scoop on what goes on with the community and you and your evolving teaching. Frankly it seems rather rough going much of the time. From here it appears that you stumble and retract and revise. You make mistakes and backtrack. You offend and alienate and apologize and reach out. You also put up with a lot of shit by putting yourself out there with all your warts. You're working out your stuff as you go along and it shows. You appear to make false starts. You're messy. Much of the time I don't like what you say. Sometimes the whole package seems like more than I want to be involved with. You're also open-ended, still evolving and willing to admit that's the case. What I want to say in all this is THANK YOU. It appears that all the above is true and somehow in spite of it or (more likely) BECAUSE OF IT I've relaxed into myself in a way that is fundamentally different than I have before. Your challenge to allow it all and be it all has been an alchemical influence. Just the fact that I feel comfortable enough to write all this in what is essentially a letter of acknowledgment is amazing to me. Thank you, I love your daring. I acknowledge the guts it takes to make the mistakes. I also acknowledge that mistakes are a necessity for pioneers, therefore they are not really mistakes, though knowing that doesn't take away from the discomfort of backtracking and trying another direction. I know that I'm at some risk here of sounding arrogant, I mean...what the hell do I know about what you go through? Anyway I say all this to let you know that despite my own discomfort with the apparent chaos that is Waking Down it seems that I have come in for a soft landing around April 20 or so. I had a great and joyous phone conversation with Ted today in which I described this shift that has been continuous since last week. I wasn't sure what it was and was not rushing to call it anything in particular (unconditioning yin that I tend to be) but Ted says it has all the signs and indications that it is the Second Birth. Thank you for blazing your own messy trail in public, you've made it easier for me to make "mistakes" without doubting that it's all part of the process. I'm sure there's plenty more to come. Love, Krishna Dear Krishna-- What a letter. Thank you! What good news. THANK YOU! I'd love to use your letter somewhere. You put your finger on exactly why I let my messiness go and be in the world as a form of skillful means. I have faith that it has exactly the effect, for many, that you have noticed, for you. Bravo to you. Much love, Saniel
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