I sent this letter to Saniel when I first had
my second birth awakening. Doubtful about Saniel's "western
dharma" I was amazed at what was happening despite my doubts
about the whole thing. The Reluctant Realizer... so much can
change in 10 years.
Dharma in the land of the Red Faced People or:
GO WEST YOUNG MAN
Sat, 29 Apr 2000
I'm never in San Francisco long enough to
really get the whole scoop on what goes on with the community
and you and your evolving teaching.
Frankly it seems rather rough going much of
the time. From here it appears that you stumble and retract and
revise. You make mistakes and backtrack. You offend and alienate
and apologize and reach out. You also put up with a lot of shit
by putting yourself out there with all your warts. You're
working out your stuff as you go along and it shows. You appear
to make false starts. You're messy. Much of the time I don't
like what you say. Sometimes the whole package seems like more
than I want to be involved with. You're also open-ended, still
evolving and willing to admit that's the case.
What I want to say in all this is THANK YOU.
It appears that all the above is true and somehow in spite of it
or (more likely) BECAUSE OF IT I've relaxed into myself in a way
that is fundamentally different than I have before. Your
challenge to allow it all and be it all has been an alchemical
influence. Just the fact that I feel comfortable enough to write
all this in what is essentially a letter of acknowledgment is
amazing to me.
Thank you, I love your daring. I acknowledge
the guts it takes to make the mistakes. I also acknowledge that
mistakes are a necessity for pioneers, therefore they are not
really mistakes, though knowing that doesn't take away from the
discomfort of backtracking and trying another direction. I know
that I'm at some risk here of sounding arrogant, I mean...what
the hell do I know about what you go through?
Anyway I say all this to let you know that
despite my own discomfort with the apparent chaos that is Waking
Down it seems that I have come in for a soft landing around
April 20 or so. I had a great and joyous phone conversation with
Ted today in which I described this shift that has been
continuous since last week. I wasn't sure what it was and was
not rushing to call it anything in particular (unconditioning
yin that I tend to be) but Ted says it has all the signs and
indications that it is the Second Birth.
Thank you for blazing your own messy trail in
public, you've made it easier for me to make "mistakes" without
doubting that it's all part of the process.
I'm sure there's plenty more to come.
What a letter. Thank you! What good
news. THANK YOU!
I'd love to use your letter somewhere.
You put your finger on exactly why I let my messiness go and be
in the world as a form of skillful means. I have faith that it
has exactly the effect, for many, that you have noticed, for
Bravo to you.
2011 Krishna Gauci